Greatest Cookies EVER!

Tequila Cookies
I know it's a little early, but it is time to start baking for the holidays.
Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Patron Silver Tequila
Sample the Patron to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Patron again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Better if chilled first.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Patron is still OK, try another chilled cup just in case.Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuckin the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off floor. Mix on the turn er. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Patron to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.
Check the Patron. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to bean off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Patron and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
CHERRY MISTMAS